Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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