you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
