grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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