Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
