Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
