I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
