i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
