The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
