i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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