last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
