He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
