I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
