Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
