Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize