Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
