No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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