This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize