i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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