Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
His nipple licking is glorious
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