There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
