If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
