I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You left your phone here
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