dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
