Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
