There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
