Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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