saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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