I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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