How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
