my mouth tastes like poor choices
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
