dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize