Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
is it fun? or sober?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
