i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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