Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
