SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
