I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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