The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
