Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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