1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
