So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
