i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
