no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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