I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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