U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
