Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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