i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize