We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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