sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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