Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
