He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm both gender and math confused
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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