you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
