I want to make a zoo with you.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
