Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
