at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
