Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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