tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
