if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
