i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
