I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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