I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
