Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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