I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
