Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had to cum in my sink.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
