i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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