Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
