...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
