Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Green mimosas i think yes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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