This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
