forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
