I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
